Follow on from my post below, I think that the Early Days of mourning need special consideration. Here is an entry from some notes that I made at the time (two weeks after my husband died):
'I remember the moment of occupation - it was when Fi was driving me home. A five hour journey during which the numbness of shock gradually sloughed off me and I gave birth to mourning. My skin was stripped, replaced by strange tingles and shocks through my body; my being was invaded by something, a force, a wave of dreadful agony. This some-thing has become my familiar, my companion - I walk with it, sleep with it, wake up with it. I have been yielded up to dreadful awareness. His total physical presence - the empty space takes on his beloved shape - the way he sat, the way he smiled, his voice, his eyes, his hair. The very particular way in which he was materially and bodily present has been delivered up to me, and it is no comfort. It is no kind, gentle remembrance, but a stab, a violent invasion by pain. No will of mine can resist it; its victory is without boundaries.'
This passes, it passes, and you will become the victor. But not with loss, not without a price to be paid.
1 comment:
I'm sure your blog will be a comfort to people who have lost others close to them. They will be able to identify with your feelings/thoughts that you have put in writing. Many people aren't able to put things into words as well as you do. So they will be able to say, "That's how I felt/feel, I just couldn't express it."
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