Return

I have re-found my blog. And what I entered in my last post seems touched with a certain foresight. I took the path through the woods, leaving behind me all comfortable defenses, and wandered in wild and desperate ways through the darkness. Grieving for the sudden death of your spouse is an journey into, not enlightenment, but knowledge. You do not become wise but you do become aware. Most people are too terrified of death to accompany you on your journey - the simplest expressions of human warmth and of acknowledgement of your grief is beyond them. I do think the lack of acknowledgement has been one of the hardest absences to bear - the suffering person you have become is invisible, literally without presence - a shadow as ghostly as the memory of your loved one.

There are a few who step forward - and I have become interested in what enables some (very few) to encounter the bereaved. I think they have something in common with the rescuers of Jews during the holocaust, and there was an interesting item on Radio 4 today about the 'Heroic Imagination' - a study of the characteristics of those who undertake extraordinary action. Another perspective is offered by Frankl who said of the survivors of the Nazi concentration camps - 'we knew that the best of us did not return'. I know that I am not one of the best (my qualities are ordianary), but I do know that I have returned and will do so from whatever wanderings into the wilderness may be required of me. My capacities are being increased, although I do not introspect on what those are and how they might be employed. I simply take the next corner......