The Strangeness of Grief

In her excellent radio programme, 'I don't know what to say', Barbara Want (widow of Nick Clarke) discusses the first eighteen months of her bereavement with those who ignored her and those who helped her. What she communicates with eloquence and grace is how the shrivelling of social patterns of grieving expands the suffering of the bereaved. The comments of those who failed to offer her support but who (bravely) responded to Barbara's request to discuss their reactions - 'you were wearing sunglasses and were shut away' - suggest that they felt her lack of responsiveness was her own fault for being 'inaccessible'.

I think it is very important to highlight the agony that these small acts of neglect cause those who are in the early stages of grief - it adds to their disorientation and confusion as they realise that they have been ousted from their place in society (i.e. as wife, husband, parent, child). A young widow is particularly vulnerable - after all feminism has only had a few decades, but the archetypal figure of the Widow has had millenia to become rooted deep within the human psyche. I remain astonished by people's reactions - their ignorance, silence and fear. I am amazed by the Strangeness of Grief - its capacity to exile us from living; its wierd physical and mental manifestations; and its endurance.